如何才能保持内心的平静祥和? 如何才能拒绝狂躁与淫乐? I’m so confused and just started to question myself.I wonder how I can remain the peace in mind. I tried to figure out what the true meaning of life is besides pure erotic joy. Sometimes I really found myself as a hard nut to crack. I guess I’m too proud of myself for not being a prude and it leads to a headache as I enjoy attention too much and just trying too hard to prove my value. Pethatic me.

I’m not sure if I’m more into being a dirty backpacker or a fancy new yorker ….

It’s about a woman who was raped because of her father.

Lyrics:

In a dream I was a werewolf
My soul was filled with crystal light
Lavender ribbons of rain sang
Ridding my heart of mortal fight

Broken sundown fatherless showdown
Gun hip swollen lip bottle sip yeah I suck dick
Lose grip on gravity falls sky blinding crumbling walls
River sweep away my memories of
Children’s things a young mother’s love
Before the yearning song of flesh on flesh
Young hearts burst open wounds bleed fresh
A young brother skinny and tall my older walks
Oceanward and somber, slumber sleeping
Flowers in the water,
But I’m just his daughter
Walking down an icy grave
leading to my Schizophrenic father.
Weeping willow won’t you wallow louder
Searching for my father’s power

I’ma shake you off though
Get up on that horse and
Ride into the sunset
Look back with no remorse

He’s a black magic wielder some say a witch
Wielded darkness when he was wilein’ on his mom’s
And born child and he was the bastard that broke
Up the marriage evil doer doing evil from a baby carriage
And he was born with the same blue eyes
Crystal ships dripping with ice, diamonds coruscate
In the night fireworks electric bright
And now he’s got his own two sons
Tried to hide his tearz in a world of fun
But loveless bedrooms filled with doom
Bring silent heartache July to June
Woon over new young hot flame
Mourn the memories later
Laugh now aligator

Oh in a dream
My father came to me
And made me swear that I’d keep
What sacred to me
And if I get the choice
To live in his name
I pray my way through the Rain
Singing Oh happy day

I don’t mean to close the door
But for the record my heart is sore
You blew through me like bullet holes
Left staind on my sheets and stains
On my soul
You left me broke down beggin for change
Had to catch a ride with a man who’s deranged
He had your hands and my father’s face
Another western vampire different time same place
I had dreams that brings me sadness
Pain much deep that a river
Sorrow flow through me in tiny waves of shivers
Corny movies make me reminisce
Breat me down easy on this generic love shit
First kiss frog and princess

The first verse is about herself, the second verse is about the man who “blew through her like bullet holes.” The third verse is drawing a parallel between the man who “had your hands and my father’s face” and her father.

Beginning the song, the singer, a girl, is talking about being fatherless, alluding to how her “schitzophrenic father” was checked out, not there, and how she was “searching for her father’s power.” For reasons that weren’t his fault (mental illness), dad wasn’t there for her, therefore the only person to blame for her misery was herself, and when you can only blame yourself, bad things happen, low self-esteem, depression. “Weeping willow won’t you wallow louder…searching…” The blatant sex references allude to a loss of innocence. A father never taught her how men should treat her, or taught her the wrong way men should treat her. She’s having sex she doesn’t want to searching for her father’s power, her father’s influence.

The second verse talks about someone, I wasn’t sure who at first when I read the verse, I assumed she was still talking about herself, or her father, but then I realized she was talking about someone else entirely, someone who would “woon over new young hot flame.” I realized the young hot flame is her, and the man she is talking about is her lover. She’s describing his life from his time growing up, painting a depressing picture of a depressed and abused man, telling his story as if it wasn’t his fault that he abused and “wooned over new young hot flame.” Why would she paint the images of the men in her life who hurt her as victims? Again, she blames herself for her misery. When you have no one to blame but yourself, bad things happen.

Then she launches into a dream sequence, it seemed to me like her father came to her in her dream and was everything she ever wanted in a father, a supportive, caring, nurturing figure who told her to hold onto everything she held dear, and if she “had the choice to live in his name,” she’d make it “through the rain.”

In the last verse, she’s slamming her father and her lover all in one, who may be an allusion to the many lovers she’s had who have all one by one abused her and psychologically torn her, seeing as in the beginning of the song she touts promiscuity and dark experience by saying “yeah I suck dick.”

What deeper meaning I’m really sensing though is the “Werewolf” theme. I think her lovers, her father, everyone changes. “He had your hands and my father’s face.” He had your hands but he and the person who had his hands are the same person, the lover. The lover changed to someone she didn’t know who looked like someone she loved. She’s slamming men who have lured her in and then changed into violent werewolves in schizophrenic frenzies. “Another western vampire different time same place” could either mean many men all the same or that she’s seen her father in her lover.  A very last line that struck me is how she’s talking about how “corny movies make her reminisce,” how this “love shit” isn’t like the movies, and her “first kiss frog princess” is a grim fairy tale turned real, which in many ways is the textbook definition of real life.

But she’s going to shake it off, get up on that horse and ride into the sunset looking back with no remorse…which never happened because the beginning of the song is sung in present tense, “yeah I suck dick” not “yeah I sucked dick.” She’ll keep telling herself that, wishing, hoping, praying for her father to come to her like he did in that dream, instead of “blowing through her like bullet holes.”

Witness the plight of those who are “just his daughter.”

*Correction: “He had your hands and my father’s face.” After listening to it more closely I do think this is actually some random person, the “man who is deranged.” She keeps falling in with people who are like her father and her x-lover and blames them for it.

Don’t say I’m afraid of loving you
you’re everything I’ve wanted to
don’t say my heart was never true
everything I do, I do for you
you can have me I’m yours ‘til the end of the night
you can take me I swear I won’t put up a fight
lay next to me and sleep a while
we’ll let the hours slowly pass us by
whisper soft into my ear and promise me we’ll lie forever here

I smell sex and candy here
Who's that lounging in my chair
Who's that casting devious stares in my direction
Mama this surely is a dream

AND EVERYDAY
I AM LEARNING ABOUT YOU
THE THINGS THAT NO ONE ELSE SEES
AND THE END COMES TOO SOON
LIKE DREAMING OF ANGELS
AND LEAVING WITHOUT THEM
AND LEAVING WITHOUT THEM

  越是无法拥有你的时候我越是渴望你。我会整夜构想与你唇齿相贴的场景，我会故意错过飞机，搭乘十几小时的车只为再与你度过一个礼拜的时光。有时我觉得我爱上的是想象中的充满诗意的影像，是我亲手创造出来的欲望。欲望是如此新生般的，让人血脉膨胀的狂喜。它让人充满恍惚，身体发热。臆想中的情爱，总是伴随着内心的骚动，发不完的誓言，剪不断的呜咽，流不尽的泪，亲不完的吻。情人勇敢的样子，温柔得像羔羊，衣着总是无懈可击，哭起来却又热泪盈眶。他胯下一匹黑马，从遥远的地方奔驰而来，如同一章娓娓道来的诗句。